A Letter From The Landlord

Dear current tenant,
while I have enjoyed your lengthy stay in my womb I am writing to inform you that I will not be renewing your lease upon its expiration date. This does not, in any way reflect my opinion of you. It is merely a personal choice.
During your stay we've come to know one another with great detail and intimacy. Therefore, I feel I can speak candidly. For the most part I've enjoyed your presence. But, there have been times that you've shown a complete disregard for my hospitality. This seems to be a common occurrence these past few months, one that does not sit well with me.
Your late night dance parties have often hindered my ability to enjoy a good night's rest. Your constant protests of my food and beverage choices is unwelcome. And your demand for larger lodgings is out of my control.
I feel that it's within everyone's best interest if we just part ways, and soon, while we're still on agreeable terms. I realize that this sudden change in living arrangements will most likely be disagreeable with you, however, I have a solution. Rather than viewing this as an eviction notice, I suggest you view it as a relocation program. In exchange for giving me full rights to my body once more, I offer up a warm, comfortable crib located within close proximity to my own sleeping arrangements. In addition, I will also throw in two working boobies that you may feast upon any time you so choose. So, you see, this really is in no way an eviction notice. I hope you find this plan to your liking and I look forward to your moving soon. Real soon.
Sincerely,
Mommy, your current uterine landlord