Normally, while grocery shopping with both children in tow I have to maintain strict organization. Firstborn generally pushes the small, child size cart which causes me to shop in constant fear for my ankles' well being. Secondborn rides in the front of the normal shopping cart waving, blowing kisses, and clapping for all other shoppers who can't help but to flirt back. And, I have my coupons already coordinated with the weekly sales and a strict list to adhere to.
I said normally. This morning was anything but normal. This morning was chaotic. I did not have my list finalized. And I certainly didn't have my coupons coordinated with the weekly sales. I knew that alone would make this shopping trip longer than usual. Taking into account that my dear darlings would be tagging along would just make it downright frustrating or comical, depending on how one decided to look upon it.
Once we'd arrived at the market I demoted Firstborn's driver's license to that of an accompanied permit holder and placed him and his sister into what I refer to as the "cool car concept". He was none too happy to have his cart privileges revoked and to be sharing limited elbow space with Secondborn.
Aisle after aisle, he would jump out of the car and pretend to fuel it up because, "Mommy, the car hun-ghee (hungry) and needs gas."
"Fine. Fuel the car up but, do so quickly," I would say absently as I was leafing through my three ring coupon binder.
Then came the car surfing. Seriously. He was attempting to hang as far out of the "cool car concept cart" as humanly, and I'm using that word loosely at this point, possible without landing on his head. It was as if he had Gumby's genetic coding. The verdict, he's got a future in Hollywood as a stuntman if those ACT scores don't work out for him.
I was more than ready to put this shopping trip behind me as I finished unloading the Mommymobile once home. I took Secondborn to change her diaper only to discover her well kept secret. And, no, it was not located in her diaper, but, rather her overalls. My sweet and innocently, charming secondborn had taken to a life of crime while I was busy paying for groceries.
I blame the grocery store for placing peer pressure upon such a young and fragile flower. I choose to believe that she never would have gone down such a seedy path had the stores placed the candy selection out of sight and reach. How could she resist such temptation with all those candy bars calling out her name? She picked out the candy bar that was calling the loudest, a dark chocolate Dove bar, and stuffed it inside her overalls. And just like that, my daughter who had yet to take her first steps on solid ground, took her first steps into a life of crime.
As a parent, one always worries over the futures of their young. I suppose in a way I should be relieved that at least in these hard economic times mine can fall back upon smuggling and car surfing. I'm not sure how profitable that will make them, but popular they should always be with these life skills.
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